Henry Grayson, a psychologist, relationship counselor, psychoanalyst, and former minister who has been working with couples and individuals to improve their relationships for more than thirty years, has found that most people are actually more unhappy after marriage counseling or couples therapy. In Mindful Loving he sets aside the traditional methods of therapy to show you how to look at your relationships from a completely different perspective. By getting to the root of our relationship problems, Grayson creates a whole new framework in which in which to view intimacy--one where psychology, spirituality, and science meet. He shows how to:
- Break the vicious cycles of interaction that trap you in patterns of resentment and isolation
- Identify the six forms of counterfeit "love" and nine barriers to love
- Practice ten characteristics of Empowering Love
- Create a spiritual marriage rather than an ego based one
Filled with techniques, exercises, meditations, and inspiring case studies, here is an indispensable guide to creating healthy and fulfilling relationships that is destined to become a classic in the field.
Chapter List
1. Rethinking the Purpose of Marriage: The Spiritual Relationship Versus the Ego-Based Relationship
2. The New Physics of Love: A Spiritual Approach to Relationships
3. The Power of Thought to Heal Relationships
4. Breaking into teh Vicious Cycle: The Though Monitoring Exercises
5. Choosing Love, Not Fear: Making the Perceptual Shift and Seeing Others as Mirrors
6. Going Further Upstream: Erasing Traumas and Changing Negative Core Beliefs
7. Identifying Your Barriers to Love: The Litmus Tests to Distinguish Between Counterfeit and Empowering Love
8. Unblocking teh Flow of Love: Unblocking the Flow of Love and Extending it to Others
9. Learning to Trust in the True Self: The Power of Surrender
10. A Deeper Knowledge of the Spirit Through Quieting the Mind: Diaphragmatic Breathing Exercises and Meditation Exercises
11. The Spiritual Divorce Versus the Ego-Based Divorce
Testimonials and Reviews of Mindful Loving
From Emails Recieved:
Date: May 15, 2011
Mindful Loving has become my life line after separating from my husband (6 years together). Jumped into dating with wrong mindset- now I'm back on track after reading the book. It resonates with everything I believe in and puts it all into workable practices for everyday living. Thanks for sharing your insights!
Date: March 29, 2011
Dear Dr. Grayson: I just want you to let you know that your book has literally saved my life and my relationships. I buy the book for friends, and I constantly refer to the book when I am going through difficulties. I've had numerous miracles happen big and small because of your work. I started using EMDR using the New Physics of Love and use that over and over. It's hard to relay to you the relief that comes and the gratitude for your book with a lifetime of relationship trauma and pain. My father left when I was 4, and died when I was 13 and my relationships with men have always entailed them leaving or cheating on me, reflecting my father's not being there. Your book and the thought monitoring and other techniques you offer have so often given me (and the other person) relief and hope. Although I still have a long way to go, the book has been an ever present help in times of trouble. I have made small flash cards for myself with quotes from the book that I bring with me everywhere. Anyway, I've had your book for a number of years now and just thought, why not take a minute to let you know how vital, how transforming your work has been for me. With so much gratitude, God Bless you for writing the book!
Date: January 23, 2011
Dear Dr. Grayson: Thank you for such a cohesive presentation of information in Mindful Loving. Hearing from such an authority on the subject that we do indeed have the capability of manifesting our reality through our own thoughts inspired confidence in beginning a change. the effect on my life was immediately noticeable once you gave light to a hunch I couldn't truly believe was possible for so long. I command your efforts, and look forward to a better life. Thank you sincerely.
Date: Feb. 1, 2011
Dr. Grayson: I wanted to take a moment to truly thank you for your insight. I started reading your book Mindful Loving a couple weeks ago and couldn't put it down. I'm also listening to your CDs, which are fabulous as well. My boyfriend and I broke up in August after 11 years. I was absolutely devastated at the time. I tried to remain as positive as I could and focused on the fact that I would learn a great deal through the break up. I intended to learn from it- I put those thoughts into the universe. Through those thoughts, I was led to your book/CDs and it has changed my life forever. I can now see how my perceptions and thoughts led to our destruction. And as painful as it has been, I'm thankful for the breakup because it led me to your valuable insight and information. Without this knowledge, we would not have been happy in our relationship for the long haul. I'm hopeful that we will get back together as we have a true, empowering love for one another.. we just got off track with our inherited belief systems, and I'm certain that my negative thoughts were a huge contributor. I continue to send him love everyday through my thoughts and I expect nothing in return. On the days that I do this successfully, it seems to really help turn things around, not just for me, but for us as a couple. Your book has shown me that he and I have a true meaningful love and I hope we can rectify, but if not, I realize that I have the love within myself and will be fine without him as my partner. I intend to continue to study your material everyday. I want to keep your information fresh in my mind and live by the principles daily. They are so powerful. Thank you so much for your help!! I'm very lucky that I was led to your information. Sending you lots of love.
Finally a book about how to be love rather than how to get love! Oh the difference. Instead of looking to significant others to make us feel complete, whole, and happy, we learn how to do this by ourselves for ourselves. 10 powerful ideas for becoming a more loving being are offered. Even more importantly, Mindful Loving teaches how to respond to life's challenges by thinking in a different way. This sounds like a small shift, but it's a major change in life perception.
Because spirituality and psychotherapy are perfectly blended, Mindful Loving should be required reading for every psychotherapist, every psychologist, every minister, or for anyone involved in talk therapy of any kind. Other books tend to use spirituality to support psychology, where spiritual principles are adapted, modified, or eliminated to make the point. This book is the other way around where psychology supports spirituality. The uncompromising nature of Mindful Loving makes it refreshing to read.
The only caution is that this is a very intellectual and heavy book which may not appeal to all. Also, Grayson could not resist including the predictable list of how love "should be." All in all, however, Mindful Loving is an excellent explanation of love with something of use for everyone. This book is rated 8 on a scale of 1 (low) to 10 (high) by the spiritual reviewer. This unusually high rating designates Mindful Loving as "a classic."
By A Customer
I am a divorcee who is presently working on a new relationship. I recently picked up this book and finally began understanding why I had such difficulties in my former marriage and how I can change myself to develop a deeper meaningful relationship with my partner. Until reading this book, I only saw what was on the surface and was blind to all of the hidden feelings, insecurities and intentions that we both had. After reading this book as well as another really fantastic book called "The Ever-Transcending Spirit" by Toru Sato, I finally am beginning to see these things. They are both terrific books! I am extremely thankful to these authors who have helped me see myself and the world so much clearer than before. I will try to use this new knowledge to grow together with my new partner in a positive way. Thank you!
This book is the bible for the mind. I read it, began using the practices. Now my relationships are more focused and happy.
Don't let this book fool you ... it's not just for romantic couples but everyone in a relationship to their family, friends, and colleagues. Grayson has lots of action-oriented excercises to help readers get the personal experience of the techniques he advocates. Spiritually-based psychotherapy with some practical examples. Mindful Loving is for those who believe that love must come from within before it can be extended without.
I want to personally thank the author for writing this book. It discusses a spiritual path that is the most rewarding but difficult and wrought with perils: having conscious human relationships. This book shows the best examples of how our relationships are mirrors of our own processes that I have read.
I absolutely loved this book. I was going through a tough divorce and this book completely allowed me to do a 360 and get away from and ego based separation to a spiritual one. After reading this book -- I was able to come to peace with my divorce and its practices so helped me in my approach to my next relationship. This book is a must read and is a catalyst for change when approaching love!
Henry Grayson's ideas were new to me when I read his book. I learned to hold new expectations of my relationships and marriage, learned a deeper understanding of where love comes from, and learned to seek personal responsibility for my own emotions. Reading this book improved every relationship in my life. Highly, highly recommended for those considering marriage or already in one - blissful or rocky.
This book ties together the world of physics and the mind. I have always felt that our thoughts act on the world and here is a book that goes a long way to explaining it.
It is a must have for anyone who believes it is the thought that counts; although especially important for those that don't.
MINDFUL LOVING (Book) Testimonials
"Any couple who picks up this book is in for a treat. Not only will they will find a challenging and exciting new way to think about their relationship and how to transform it; they will also find very clear, well-organized, and effective processes and exercises to help them create a spiritual marriage. Grayson has integrated psychology, spirituality and the new physics into concrete theory and practice that sheds light on the how couples make themselves miserable, and how, by transforming their thoughts, they can achieve mutual joy. I highly recommend it." —Harville Hendrix, Ph.D., author of Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples
"In this important book, Dr. Henry Grayson shows that love can flourish only when we let go the boundaries that separate ourselves from others, when we are willing to become another. At a time in history when everyone is searching for greater security, the temptation is to build defenses and barriers around ourself. This impulse is fatal to love. That is why Dr. Grayson's message is not only wise but timely as well." —Larry Dossey, M. D., author of Healing Beyond the Body, Reinventing Medicine and Healing Words
"Mindful Loving is filled with excellent, practical resources to guide you in developing meaningful and loving relationships and connections." —Bernie Siegel, M. D., author of Love, Medicine & Miracles and Prescriptions For Living
"Grayson's book will help you tap into your deepest capacity to love in the soul stretching initiation of intimate relationships. Dr. Henry Grayson is a trusted teacher with high integrity." —Judith Orloff, M.D., author of Intuitive Healing and Second Sight
"Mindful Loving is a powerfully insightful book on relationships that will bring new understanding to those who face relationship problems." —Gerald G. Jampolsky, author of Forgiveness: The Greatest Healer of All and Love is Letting Go of Fear
"I simply want to thank you for Mindful Loving. I have just finished it and will be starting it again tomorrow. It has done wonders to help me, a man that has struggled with my ego voice and almost ruined a very special relationship. We are back on track and Mindful Loving is our guide for allowing our love to be all it can be. The ideas and principles you present have changed me deeply and significantly for the better. There is no way I could ever thank you enough."